Don't be ashamed
Not rich, smart, or creative enough? You can keep feeling that way, if you want. The fact is, nobody else cares about any self-shame you harbor. You are just not that important. It is time to get over it.
People go though life being ashamed of things. It could be health, wealth, success, family, business or other categories. It really doesn’t matter where the source of your guilt originates. You need to get over it before it further inhibits you. This is true for any business, as well as in a personal life. Being ashamed of something, even in the most private way, will influence the way you operate.
At this very moment, I implore you to think about that which you are most ashamed… Too much, or not enough money; not green friendly; race or sexuality; too tall or short; overweight; too old or young; not intellectual; not adventurous; family or relationships; job or salary; not creative; company too big or small; too fast or slow; too cheap or expensive; not trying hard enough; cheating people; upbringing; education; being abused; being taken advantage of.
It seems everyone has something to hide. The point is, EVERYONE feels guilty about something for which they think people will judge them. If you contest that you have nothing to be ashamed of, you are lying to yourself, or you are in the extreme minority.
The first way to unlock your true potential is to let go of the feeling. In some cases, it is generational: “My father was this, so I am this.” It won’t be easy to let go. I like to use this little phrase — “I don’t matter, I am not important, and nobody cares about me.” You think a statement so negative would be harmful. It is actually liberating. As soon as you come to the realization that the people who love or hate you already know you, and they have made their decision whether to include you in their lives, your guilt and shame will lose any power held over you. By realizing that no one really cares about what you are ashamed of, you can finally let it go.
Tyler Durden, the fictitious character in the book Fight Club said — “It is only when you lose everything are you free to do anything.” Nothing could be truer. If you research history, you’ll find the most successful people had some hard knocks prior to their success. They worked hard, overcame adversity, and ultimately benefited. They confronted their shame and focused on what they really wanted.
Today is a new day. You can choose not to care at all about what happened yesterday. I guarantee the people around you are so busy being themselves that they could care less about your life, and what you did or did not do. Today matters. Yesterday does not.
Companies use guilt and fear as tactics to reach into your wallet. Sometimes, it is the only way to get people to buy anything at all. It is a manipulative way to make money. People often feel so bad about themselves that most of the time this type of marketing is effective. Lately, the media is trying to give everyone “Green Guilt”. While I do believe the planet is in peril, it is the job of corporations to reduce waste. Stop making it, and we’ll stop buying it. It is an oversimplification, but nonetheless, true.
When you stop allowing the guilt and shame, it becomes more difficult to use these soft targets to manipulate you. Most people will use your weaknesses to get you to do something. When you are in tune with your guilt, you can identify these attempts at manipulation, and avoid these people entirely.
Do yourself a favor — stop caring what other people think, own up to any feelings of guilt, and make today matter. Be honest with yourself, as well as others, and try to add value to the world rather than take from it. By meeting these simple goals day to day, your life will improve; how much is up to you.
This work is licensed through Creative Commons.
Posted on Sep 12, 2008 by Kevin Milden
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